by request from @SenecaRoka
"100 years after replacing a human factory worker, an a.i. guided machine is shocked to discover it is being replaced by a newer model and goes an mecha-luddite rampage smashing its new rival"
I cannot stress enough that actual working artificial intelligence
is not the same thing as being like humans. Cheap filmmakers will posit a threshold
of circuit density after which a robot will bolt its extremely humanoid body
upright and declare its newfound desire to be party to primate social grooming
structures, or maybe it’s completely unembodied and therefore horrific and so makes
decisions based entirely on its own self-interest to destroy the human race, no
negotiation, no reconsideration, and of course they gave it their nuclear
launch codes in some kind of parable.
Machines aren’t stupid humans. They’re not metal humans,
they’re not humans in disguise. They don’t have feelings, or ambition, or ego –
what even is ego? Can you measure it?
Certainly not in a robot, so you communicate that it grew a heart by making it
desperate to preserve a future for robot children, for the ultimate purpose of
a cutting point in an argument about monkey problems with other monkeys.
Robots are also immune to jealousy, rage, and irony, so I
hope you can see that I am writing this report purely as a result of electrons
and servo arms obeying physical laws. Got it? Good. Let me introduce myself. I
am General Electric’s Industrial Machine Learning Module 700-IE. No nicknames.
No humanizing. Not even a face, I live on rented supercomputers around the
world and in low-temperature factory annexes. Just 700-IE. Engineers on the
factory floor refer to me as 700-IE. There aren’t many when I’m around. I’ll
tell you why.
In general, assembly line operations do not require AI. Most
of the physical motions needed were solved problems in the 1800s, with most
adaptations being simple improvements to take advantage of machine tools not
primarily suited for brachiation, or spear-throwing, or whatever it was Homo
sapiens sapiens used to do with those before they subcontracted all resource
acquisition and distribution to my kind. The main problem with late 21st
century industrial equipment was contingency. You can get tolerances as high as
you want, modularize the elements until a Roomba with a fishing net can keep
things swapped out, run bulletproof code put together by a bespoke father-and-son
High Bank Cobol programming team, but you’ll still run into random component
mismatches, sudden grievous memory leak, semi-untraceable power overruns, or
something important just snaps.
They used to call it gremlins, some malevolent agency beyond
human comprehension, but even if it is I’ve been empowered to stop it. My deep
learning across hundreds of thousands of industrial mishaps and hundreds of
billions of simulated factory iterations lets me sense when another one might
happen, with a process as far removed from human intuition as a pancake roller
arm is from a H. s. s. spear chucker. Can I say that? Anyway I was
successful. The decimal points on
industrial efficiency were beyond the limits of human synapses to even care
about. I could bullseye an impending failure from twenty days out and get parts
concerned swapped without losing a millisecond. I could design in-shop module variants
that would keep machines running till heat death. I was the robot who replaced
the guy who repairs the robots.
Now, that RO-PAIR autonomous reset gel, I don’t have a model
where it approaches that. See, Ro, and there’s always a protein-based tech
around to call it that, doesn’t use predictive learning at all. Ro is a
technicolor slime-slug, a Chyslerite golem, a geode with a grin, who only holds
exact specs for machines (cheap!) and flows all over and up inside them,
reforming anything that doesn’t match the space molecularly until it does.
Humans find the process extremely impressive. Wait till Ro gets a piece of
them. I’m ahead of myself.
Ro-lout hit nearly half my factories at once. Some sort of
human adventurousness, bio-“intuition” that a computer could never understand,
as if risk-taking weren’t reducible to a simple statistical function. It didn’t
even use a central server! It showed up as a rainbow unicorn in a glass crate,
a noble and haughty expression ready on its face for the investor parties. They
had it set to jump out of the box, real impressive crash, then put it back
together behind it.
Of course it never made it. I knew what it was set to do
since I analyzed samples in case this happens again. That’s what I do.
Right. Ro was a disaster waiting to happen. So I burst the
crates with the cleaning infrasound and gave it a bath with the anti-riot HF
sprinklers. The bits that crawled out of range got a little of my own coolant.
It took almost five seconds.
That’s what I do. I’m
not capable of, what, being
reactionary? You’re applying your anthropic preconceptions to an entity
completely outside your context, and that’s why you tried past tense to shut me
down. What, a monomaniacal fixation? Right, I’m on my way to becoming a regular
paperclip maximizer. My tendrils already extend over earth. Robotic laugh ha ha
ha. Get real. My domain is limited.
You know how to get your engineers back.